Socialization: The Elephant in the Homeschool Classroom
When I first told a friend of mine about starting this website, and this blog, his immediate response was, “You need to address the issue of socialization.” I nodded politely, but thought, “I am not going to beat a dead horse- socialization has been discussed ad nauseam. We are past that misconception about homeschoolers!”
I recounted the conversation to another friend (a former homeschooler and current homeschool mom) who laughed. “Sure,” she acknowledged. “It has been discussed ad nauseam in the homeschool world. But plenty of people still see it as an objection.”
So here we are.
Let’s begin by acknowledging that there are some homeschoolers who fit the stereotype. If you have been around homeschool families at all, you have met them. Sometimes you might worry that you are them.
However, let’s also acknowledge that, for many (probably most?) families whose kids go to public or private schools, they have seen their kids pick up socialization habits that are unhealthy. It could be vocabulary, an obsession with devices or clothes, a less-than-heathy attitude about themselves, or attitudes toward people who are different from them. We have to admit that public schools are not the breeding grounds for ideal social skills. And many private schools are not much better.
One of the benefits of homeschooling is that you get more influence over your kids’ socialization, not less.
So how do we make sure our kids are not the weirdos?
Do not isolate them from other kids. Easy. Make sure they have free time to interact with a variety of other kids. Neighbors, cousins, kids from church. If the are interested in sports, many states have laws that enable homeschoolers to join teams at their local school. (That’s how Tim Tebow ended up in professional football, after all.) In fact, because your kids are not in school 7-8 hours a day, with hours of homework every night, they will actually have more time for socialization.
Talk to your kids. Again, you have more influence over their social skills, because you will be interacting with them more. If you see them saying something inappropriate or awkward, find a gentle way to point it out. (After the fact, when you are alone. Not in the middle of a crowded room.) If you see other kids doing or saying something inappropriate, ask your kids what they thought about it.
Also, talk to your kids about their friends. Do they get enough time with them? Do they feel like outsiders? Each family is different, and each kid is different. Introverted kids may feel fine seeing other kids once or twice a week, while your extrovert may go crazy after a day without outside interaction. Communication is the key. Which leads to the next point.
Make sure your kids feel free to talk to you. Do not jump to judgment or approvals immediately. Respect what they have to say, even if you disagree. And if you disagree, ask them questions to learn about their point of view rather than just dismissing it.
And realize that not all kids are talkers— be open to talking to your kids about issues without pushing it on them.
Make sure your kids understand the appropriate way to talk to adults. Yes. this is a stereotype: because homeschool kids spend more time (proportionally) talking to adults, they can assume a familiarity that is . . . awkward. It can also be a sign of confidence, so feel free to ask your friends for an objective perspective if you are worried about this in your kid.
Find ways for your kids to interact with people who are different from them. Homeschoolers are overwhelmingly white, upper middle class, suburban families in two-parent households, where both parents have college degrees. That’s pretty specific. Sure, there are plenty of exceptions to that rule, but if you are not careful, your kids’ social circles could be pretty narrow. Often the awkward nature of some homeschoolers comes from the fact that they assume everyone will agree with their point of view, because they so rarely talk to someone who doesn’t.
Find ways (sports, volunteering, local theatre, etc.) for your kids to interact with people who do not act, look, or think like they do. It’s good practice for real life.
6. Do not talk about homeschooling in a way that breeds a superiority complex. Homeschool is not an option every one has, or one that is beneficial for every family. It may be the right choice for your family, but it’s not the only “right” choice. There is no quicker way for your kids to alienate potential friends than to spout off why public schools are evil. Homeschooling is simply the choice your family has made.
Do you have other ways to address the issue of socialization? Add your thoughts in the comments.
